Ballad of The Left Behind

I’ve been so angry.

Angry that you left me.

Angry that you left all of them.

Angry that you didn’t find help.

Angry that I didn’t know you needed it.

Angry that you pushed me away, when you should have confided in me.

Angry that I let you.

Angry that you lost sight of how beautiful life is and how much more beautiful you made it.

Angry that I didn’t get to say goodbye.

Angry that I didn’t have the words to tell people who we were together.

Angry that I ever thought I needed to explain it to anyone else.

Angry that only weeks later our dreams were coming true and all I had were the DREAMS of telling you.

Angry that one of the women I thought I’d always look to won’t be here in the moments I need her most.

I’m so sad.

Sad that I was angry.

Sad that you are gone.

Sad that I wasn’t there to help.

Sad that you never heard what you desperately needed to hear.

Sad that you felt like we would somehow be better off without you.

Sad that you were the greatest mom your girls could ever have, and now they have no mom at all.

Sad that you’ll never hold my babies.

Sad that you’ll never kiss their faces.

Sad that they will never know you.

Sad that there will no longer be an “us.”

Sad that I know I’m not the same without you.

Sad that The One you love the most is the only One that gets to tell you how much you are really worth and how much you are loved, when we want so badly to tell you now.

I miss you.

I miss you when I wake.

I miss you when I look at His creation.

I miss you when I cook and when I clean.

I miss you when I hear a good song.

I miss you when I worship Him and when I scream at Him.

I miss you when I talk to my mom and to Christy.

I miss you when I hear children laughing.

I miss you when I go to sleep.

I DON'T miss you when I dream. You’re almost always there.

I miss you when I wake.

I miss you.